5 Mindfulness Tips to Overcome Heartbreak (Based on the Stages of Grief)
The Skinny: Discover 5 mindfulness tips to overcome heartbreak, based on the the stages of grief below. Learn how and where grief lives in the body and ways to process these feelings and move through them in a way that is healing, supportive, and kind to your body and soul.
“Life does not always give you what you want but if you look closely you will see that it gives you what you need for your growth.” — Leon Brown
How Do You Get Over Heartbreak?
Defining what “getting over heartbreak” is will vary from person to person. It may not be the most helpful inquiry as well, to be honest. Try asking yourself “What did I learn in that relationship” as well as “What did my soul seek out during that time” and then integrate those learnings. Getting over someone is tough and it’s often supportive to switch your mindset from “how can I get over this person” to “what’s supportive and nourishing for myself and my life now”.
This doesn’t mean forgoing the grieving process of the relationship, it more so means not getting too caught up in rushing the healing process post-break-up. It also means adjusting your mindset from that of a victim to one where you take your power back and seek out all you can learn about yourself and how you relate to others during heartbreak. Take the time to learn more about yourself instead of focusing too much on moving on from your ex. The getting-over part will happen naturally as you dive into self-exploration.
If you’re having a hard time remedying this and getting over an ex, continue reading to learn 5 helpful tips to get over heartbreak based on the stages of grief.
Grief is stored in our bodies.
It’s helpful to address it on an energetic and physical level.
The 5 Stages of Grief Post-Heartbreak + Mindfulness Practices to Help
As you navigate a heartbreak, you must understand your emotional landscape and what might come up. There are 5 stages we go through when grieving in life, which can be defined as follows:
1. Denial (Survival)
This might look or feel like anxiety, the inability to sleep, eat, or work, and obsessively talking about your ex to your family members, friends, and/or therapist. It could mean wanting to text or call your ex and also doing so.
Be gentle with yourself during this stage. Denial is associated with our root chakra or Muladhara meaning root in Sanskrit (energy system located at the base of the spine).
Your root chakra is responsible for your sense of safety and belonging as well as survival. Grief from heartbreak can trigger a root chakra response as it can make you feel helpless and in a stuck state of “needing to survive”.
When you feel this kind of grief, the same areas in your brain are activated as when you feel physical pain. When this happens, the first chakra responds in the same way, the hypothalamus releases adrenaline and cortisone. This triggers a flood of survival-related emotions such as rage, fear, and panic.
While you’re in this stage, you may find your inner child needs more love, care, and attention. Try grounding activities and tap into the parts of you that may feel tender and scared.
Helpful mindfulness practices: Grounding practices that put you back in your body are helpful. Try walking barefoot in the forest or on the beach. Also, any guided meditation with visualization components where you send love to your root chakra are very supportive.
2. Anger (Emotional Fluidity)
Contrary to what society has told us, anger isn’t a “bad emotion” it’s a helpful tool that shows us when our boundaries have been crossed, or when we’ve been hurt.
Due to societal conditioning, women have felt uncomfortable or even sometimes “unladylike” when expressing anger, but it’s a very common emotion. If you’re human, you experience emotion so there’s nothing to be ashamed about here. You do want to be mindful of aggression as that’s anger in action towards someone, which needs to be worked through and released.
Anger might look or feel like an inability to control how upset you are, and you may feel hot, hot-headed, or overwhelmed with emotion. You may also be very angry at yourself or your ex.
Anger is associated with the sacral chakra known as Svadhisthana in Sanskrit (energy center located below the navel) which is responsible for your emotions, sensuality, and your creative life force.
Helpful mindfulness techniques: Dance and Vinyasa yoga are supportive during this time. Move through your emotions by expressing them through movement. Also, women’s or men’s circles which focus on themes like sacred rage or somatic release are helpful too. Do note how your emotional body feels though and don’t just force a release if you’re not ready. Tap into your body and emotions to see when it feels supportive to do so.
3. Bargaining (Discipline, Purpose, Self Power)
According to Ekhart Yoga, the chakra associated with the bargaining stage of grief, Manipura, deals with how you process life experiences. It governs the internal fire within you, your willpower, and your inner power. An imbalance here or an inability to move forward post-heartbreak could be due to just being too overwhelmed or stuck.
Bargaining might look or feel like an inability to accept the breakup. You might obsess over the role you played in the relationship or break up. You might try to win your ex back. You might think “If only I had done … this wouldn't have happened”. This might come with feelings of shame as well.
Nurture your root and sacral chakra during this time. Be sure to try and stay out of your head and avoid over-intellectualizing the breakup.
Helpful mindfulness practices: Gentle yoga, or any movement that puts you back in your body, like jogging, running, and/or cycling. Free-form journaling may also be helpful. Also, somatic therapy/heartbreak coaching to process stuck emotions holding you back from obsessing over the details of the relationship is a great way to get support.
4. Depression (Unconditional Love and Forgiveness)
Depression is associated with the fourth or heart chakra known as Anahata in Sanskrit, which means “unstuck or open heart”. When balanced and open, you feel connected to compassion, unconditional love, empathy, and forgiveness in your body. However, when out of balance, disconnected, or closed off from this part of you, you may feel fear, hatred, and depression.
Grief often contributes to your inability to breathe deeply, especially into your heart during heartbreak. It’s encouraged to try to lengthen your breath and adopt a breathwork practice - even if it’s just for 15 minutes a day. Try breathing in for 3 seconds and exhaling for 4 seconds 10 times.
Depression might look or feel like deep sadness, withdrawal, low energy, excessive sleep, and/or an inability to function during normal daily life.
Mindfulness tips: Breathwork, focusing on breathing into the heart, keeping a gratitude journal, and surrounding yourself with loved ones who care deeply for you.
5. Acceptance (Self-Expression and Communication)
The throat chakra, known as Vishuddha is the fifth chakra, which is associated with self-expression, confidence, communication, and the ability to speak your truth. Part of honoring this stage of your heartbreak journey is to meet with others who have dealt with breakups too. Sharing your truth and your story can be deeply healing. To be seen, heard, and validated is like medicine for our soul.
Mindfulness techniques: Sing, share your love story, get creative through writing, and seek out heartbreak support groups.
This might look or feel like moments of peace/laughter with friends where you don’t think about your ex. It could also look like feeling more love, acceptance, and understanding when your ex pops up in your head. It could also look like taking small steps to move forward like putting more energy into your hobbies, work, purpose, or friendships.
Note: It’s important to share that the 5 stages of grief you may experience during heartbreak do not happen in a linear pattern. You might feel sadness, and acceptance, and then go into a period of bargaining.
Don’t get caught up in the need to process through all of these stages of grief within a certain time frame. Instead, learn to be with your emotions as they come up, process them, and remember you aren’t your emotions!
Heartbreak as a Form of a Spiritual Awakening
If you switch your mindset from “Why did this break up happen, my life is totally over” to “What does my soul want to learn from this, and how can this experience help me form the life I’ve always wanted” you’re well on your way to an up-leveling that will radically transform your life.
Life Coach Sahara Rose calls this the glow-up stage of a break-up, where you go from the victim stage to the self-actualization phase.
The truth is we all go through heartbreak. We all mourn. We all find love and then go through breakups, but that love we feel never really goes away does it? It gets to live on in our memories and our hearts. The law of impermanence can be hard to accept, but it’s also an incredible tool in terms of waking up to the fact that life’s happening now and it’s so incredibly precious.
Additionally, as the Leon Brown quote above mentions, sometimes life doesn’t give you what you want, it gives you what you need. Often heartbreak is the catalyst that propels you forward into growth and purpose. Try asking your soul what you can learn from this period of your life. Enjoy the inquiries that stem from this.
Heartbreak support retreat with Haven
If you need additional support and individualized coaching as you navigate this period of your life, our sisterhood collective Haven offers heartbreak support. Applications for our heartbreak support coaching container are now open.