My 5 Top Dating Tips: Being “Fully Healed” Isn’t One
We need to stop this epidemic of self-pathologizing—especially when it convinces people they must be “fully healed” before they can love or be loved. Social media has given us unprecedented access to knowledge, frameworks, and advice. But access without discernment is overwhelming. It floods us with theories, labels, and diagnoses that, instead of liberating us, often box us in. And for younger generations—whose brains are still developing well into their late 20s or early 30s—sifting through this noise can be particularly challenging.
Not everyone is a narcissist. Wanting reassurance from your partner does not mean you have an anxious attachment style. But when TikTok turns complex psychological concepts into bite-sized self-diagnoses, we start to see young adults retreating from intimacy rather than engaging with it. They are dating less. Nearly half of young men today are not dating at all.
One of the most damaging myths of modern self-help culture is the idea that to attract the right partner, you must first perfect yourself—become fully healed, fully independent, and fully self-sufficient. Only then, we’re told, will we be “ready” for love.
But here’s the truth: we heal in relationships, not in isolation. The friction, the vulnerability, the push and pull of intimacy—this is where growth happens. To reject this process is to deny ourselves one of the most transformative aspects of being human.
So today, I’m sharing my favorite (and not-so-mainstream) dating insights—ones I’d want my own children to know as they step into the real world of love and connection.
#1 Date Curiously
There is a palpable difference between dating with curiosity and dating with an agenda. The latter feels transactional as if you are measuring someone against a checklist. But true curiosity allows for discovery, for the unexpected. The reality is, you don’t truly know someone until you’ve experienced life alongside them—until you’ve seen how they move through the world, how they respond to the unplanned, the inconvenient, the joyful. Some answers won’t come from direct questions. They reveal themselves in the subtleties of behavior, in the quiet consistency of action.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself while dating curiously:
What does it feel like to spend quality time with this person?
What values do they embody through action?
Do they have the same vision of the future as me?
What is it like to travel with this person? Do we work well together?
Do we enjoy having a meal together?
What is their communication style?
Can they work through conflict-repair well?
How do they handle feedback?
Are we both compatible enough to build a relationship (if that’s what we both want)?
#2 Be Mindful of Dating with Judgement
Mindful dating isn’t just about observing others—it’s about observing yourself. Are you judging someone for being different from you? For moving through the world with a different rhythm, a different tone, a different way of seeing things? Are you measuring them against an idealized version of a partner, a projection rather than a person? Illusions are seductive, but they are not real. And real connection can only exist when we meet someone as they are, not as we wish them to be.
#3 Maintain Your Relationship With Yourself
A fulfilling relationship doesn’t require you to lose yourself—it asks you to bring more of yourself to the table. Your relationship with you is the foundation for every connection you build. So don’t abandon your schedule, your friendships, your passions, or the dreams that make you you. The irony? The more you cultivate your own life, the more attractive—and emotionally grounded—you become. Desire flourishes not in enmeshment, but in the space where two whole individuals come together.
#4 Understand and Vocalize Your Dating Intentions
Clarity is confidence. Do you want something casual? A committed partner? A future spouse? Before you step into dating, define what you are looking for—then voice it unapologetically. You will never be “too much” for the person who desires the same things as you. In fact, expressing your intentions early is not a risk; it’s a filter. It allows you to connect with those who align with your vision while gracefully letting go of those who don’t.
#5 Don’t Be Afraid to Walk Away
Staying with someone who doesn’t share your vision for love isn’t romantic—it’s an act of self-abandonment. Misalignment happens, and that’s okay. What matters is how you respond. Walking away isn’t a loss; it’s a powerful step toward the person who does want what you want. Saying no to what isn’t right for you isn’t just self-respect—it’s attraction. Boundaries create magnetism, and when you honor your desires, you shift your energy toward the kind of love that is meant for you and aligned.
I hope these dating tips were helpful. If you need additional support, schedule a 15-minute introductory women’s dating coaching call today.