How to Sit with Grief, Not “Deal with it”

The Skinny: Learning to sit with grief instead of powering through it will teach you how to process and integrate these feelings.

I sit on my boyfriend’s couch, staring at the palm trees lining the Coaster tracks, and I can’t stop crying. My chest is tight, making it hard to breathe, and anger pulses through me, sharp and unrelenting. I’m exhausted, frustrated, restless—stuck in a body that wants to do nothing. A far cry from my usual self—the manifesting generator who built three businesses in three years. I don’t recognize this version of me, and I don’t like her. But here’s the truth: I feel raw, broken, and swallowed whole by grief.

I’ve met this kind of grief before—two years ago, when I ended an engagement. It dismantled my world, burning away everything that wasn’t meant to stay. I fought it at first but eventually surrendered, learning to sit with my grief instead of running from it. Now, it’s back, swift and unforgiving, as I mourn my dad—alive but slipping away in the late stages of Alzheimer’s. This afternoon, I’ll see him in the psychiatric ward. The thought alone is unbearable. The sterility, the weight of it all. It’s inhumane—to lose your mind while still feeling, still knowing on some level what’s happening. It’s cruel. But sometimes, life is cruel. Ignoring that would mean ignoring what it truly means to be alive.

I know—this isn’t the upbeat way you’d expect a blog post on grief to start. But that’s the point. You don’t deal with grief; you sit with it. This post is about how to do just that—because to move through grief and the heartbreak that follows, you have to feel it. All of it. Even the parts that terrify you.

So let’s learn to feel it—to free it—together.

Grief is meant to be felt.

Grief 101: How to Sit with It

There’s no wrong way to grieve—seriously. But when grief comes knocking, there are a few things I want to remind you of:

Let It Out

Grief has terrible timing. It shows up unannounced, on its own terms, and often at the worst moments. But trying to stifle the tears or push down the feelings only makes it worse. Let yourself feel it. Be gentle with yourself. And most importantly, don’t judge how you’re processing it—there’s no right or wrong way to grieve.

You’re human. There are no mistakes here, only lessons.

When emotions start to rise, don’t bottle them up—let them move through you. Here are some ways to release them:

• Move your body—dance, run, or work out.

• Journal freely—let your thoughts flow without judgment.

• Talk it out—meet up with a friend who can hold space for you.

• Create—paint, draw, write, or find another creative outlet.
  

Choose Who You Grieve with Carefully

Sisterhood heartbreak retreat with Haven

“A true friend will hold you through your grief, no matter how deep.”

Not everyone will be able to hold space for your grief—and that’s okay. Some people simply aren’t meant to, and it’s not a reflection of their love for you. They’re meeting you where they can.

What matters is that you have the right support—friends, family, or a therapist who can sit with you in your grief and hold space for your healing. Choose those who can truly be there.

Practice Self-Love

Grief is unpredictable. It ebbs and flows, showing up in different ways at different times. Since everyone processes it uniquely, it’s essential to give yourself the self-care you need.

Say no to social plans if you’re not up for them. Seek professional support if it feels overwhelming. Treat yourself to a self-care day, a massage, or quiet time alone. Surround yourself with friends if that feels right—just make sure whatever you choose is rooted in self-love and self-care.

Move Grief Through Somatic Work

To pull from what Bessel van der Kolk shares in his book The Body Keeps the Score, "You need to befriend your body and develop physical self-awareness to navigate distressing emotions—feel them, process them, and move through them.". This means it’s crucial to understand what physical sensations are related to certain emotions. It also means learning how to move through those emotions through the body. There are somatic practices you can turn to for support, including:

1. Breathwork

• Diaphragmatic breathing (deep belly breathing) to calm the nervous system.

• Box breathing (inhale 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds, exhale 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds) to regulate emotions.

• Lion’s breath (forceful exhale with tongue out) to release tension.

2. Body-Based Movement

• Shaking – Shake out various parts of your body to release stored stress.

• Dance/movement therapy – Move freely to music to unlock stuck emotions.

• Yoga –Integrate your emotions with gentle, intentional movement.

3. Grounding Techniques

• 5-4-3-2-1 method – Identify 5 things you see, 4 you touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.

• Walking barefoot (earthing) – Connect with nature to help regulate your nervous system.

4. Touch and Sensory Work

• Self-holding (hand on heart + belly)

• Weighted blankets

• Cold water therapy

5. Vocal and Expressive Release

• Humming or chanting – Vibrations stimulate the vagus nerve for relaxation.

• Screaming into a pillow – Screaming into a pillow is a safe way to let go of anger.

  Journaling – Writing freely can externalize emotions.

  Sit with and Feel Your Grief to Free It

  Grief is an incredibly personal journey, and while there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, honoring your emotions and allowing yourself the space to process them is key. By integrating somatic practices, practicing self-love, and leaning into support from loved ones and/or a therapist, you empower yourself to move through grief with greater ease and resilience. Remember, you don’t need to go through this alone—reach out for support when needed, and trust that, with time, healing will come.
  
  Remember, grief is a sign you loved, deeply. When needed, remind yourself your grief is really love.
  
  If you need support navigating heartbreak grief, get in touch with us today for 1:1 heartbreak coaching.